Florida Governor DeSantis Looks To Ban Biological Females From Wearing Pants

[Baked Potato]

Florida Governor DeSantis Looks To Ban Biological Females From Wearing Pants

After Indictment Day, 2023
Baked News Network

Florida (BNN) Branding pants-wearing females as “wickedly dangerous ‘Drag Kings’,” defective Russian android Governor Ron DeSantis will demand a new law making it a felony for a “biological” female to wear any form of a pant or trouser. Yes, “Even babies or toddlers would be branded a Drag King under the Governor’s new law,” said DeSantis spokesman Dom Minionist.

DeSantis plans to use trained “agricultural nut inspectors,” to perform visual and physical inspections of Drag King suspects. Inspectors will be volunteers borrowed from the Transportation Security Agency (TSA). Dom said, “Any absence of a twig and berries would trigger a more robust pat down and further constitute a reportable ‘Drag King incident’.”

TSA agriculture inspectors who are customarily posted in US international airports to detect illegal import of agricultural contraband will fan out to Florida Law Enforcement agencies, schools, daycare centers, and even some private homes. The only possible legal exemptions are those attending so-called religious institutions or schools and some certified “Christian homes.”

Details are promised to be quickly forthcoming, but it was revealed the definition of a “pant or trouser,” will be “anything other than a cute dress,” and includes “rompers, jumpsuits, culottes, shorts of any kind, overalls, sweatpants, tights, hot pants, skorts, capris, and may even include some pull-up type diapers.”

“Pants-friendly ‘Jezebels without the pebbles’ won’t be tolerated in MY America,” pandered Ron DeSantis, “and under my leadership, the legs of real girls will always be available for viewing, spreading, and proper judgement, just as God intended.”

Point of Contact (POC), as always, is Wank Wrinkleskins, Stop 3, Bus 12, Podunk, ‘Merica. “Fuck you, very, very much,” Wank Wrinkleskins stated, wryly, as he broke big wind in DJT’s general direction. ❤️🤗

[Srkdqltr]

1. OMG. LOL

[Aristus]

2. Satire: Still dead.

n/t

[Baked Potato]

5. Thank you, yes. What is satire?

[Autumn]

3. I'm not really sure. Is this supposed to be satire? I quit reading at the third paragraph.

Because if it's got fucking ridiculous and the name Ron DeSantis I believe it's what he would do. But it is very poor satire if that's what it is.

[Baked Potato]

4. Nope, it's not satire. It's just plain old bullshit. Thanks.nt

[malaise]

6. Eff that fool - True Story

I was the first girl to wear jeans to my very proper school for a Saturday class.
I was 13 -it created quite an uproar which others remember way better than I do.
My mother told the nuns to grow up and that was that. It became a non-event

[Baked Potato]

7. ❤️ to you malaise!

[malaise]

9. You know I wasn't making a statement

I was showing off my new jeans and never gave a thought to their reaction - my friends loved it though and as I grew up and became conscious I felt good about it.

[Baked Potato]

11. Of course !

[Hermit-The-Prog]

8. BNN -- the only news you can count on.

[sakabatou]

10. I wouldn't be surprised if this actually happened.