My grandson in college says that it is impossible to meet girls

[tavernier]

sincethe Me Too movement and social media. He said there is zero interaction amongst college students on campus and it is impossible to open or instigate a conversation with anyone on a one to one basis outside of social media. People who try to do this anre looked upon as weird.
I know that I went to college in the 60s but for the life of me I can’t imagine people of this age not interacting with each other either on a friendly basis and ultimately for dating or sex.

Is this really true? I’m asking other people in this situation if you have found this to be what is going on right now.

My grandson is 6’3, blonde, slim like a model, clean (well, at least he showers daily and uses deodorant), friendly, sweet natured, and smart enough to be in college.

[Wounded Bear]

1. "Smart enough to be in college" is a pretty low bar...

Sorry, couldn't resist. Probably somewhat better in the bar scene, but I can't recommend that, either. I'm out of touch myself.

[tavernier]

7. Yeah, no bar scene. Not old enough yet.

Sophomore year ending and he says social interaction is zero amongst sexes, even people in general. As if communication is only allowed electronically to be trusted.

[NJCher]

49. it depends on the college

some accept one out of every 100 applicants, other accept 17 out of every 100 applicants, etc.

I know you were just joking, but I wanted to throw that in there, just for general information purposes.

[Wounded Bear]

61. And how much does the percentage rise for 'legacy' applications from wealthy alumni? nt

[NJCher]

62. hahah

that's in a class all its own.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

2. To the extent that it is true, it won't last. Don't forget Covid set some new

Also, Covid set some new isolationist norms which will be eroded before long and we will be back to being human beings.

As to how true, I don't know.

[Rhiannon12866]

43. i know someone with two kids in college, the younger one started at the onset of Covid

And both of them were routinely sent home - because of Covid on campus. I can't imagine that college now is anything like we experienced and I said that. We had in-person labs, lectures, some pretty impressive speakers, concerts, college theater, movies and a coffee house on campus, that sort of thing. But with a quarantine in place, at least for the past couple of years, none of those college experiences were possible - not to mention being sent home due to quarantines.

[Captain Zero]

96. When karaoke is able to start up

Again.

[bucolic_frolic]

3. It's prob true to some extent

Conversations are effrontery. "You're cute!" is a sexist statement. "Can I get your number" could indicate a budding closet stalker. Best to find events that are socially interactive and focus on that.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

6. Not if you've laid groundwork and treat people as people. Yeah, don't open with "you're cute"

But ignore me. I'm the last person to ask for cleverness about flirting!

[NJCher]

50. well, I was an expert at meeting the opposite sex

and getting into a conversation. Here was my favorite line:

I would go up to attractive male at a bar and say, "hi I'm practicing to be a psychic. Let me sit down and tell you about yourself."

Now oddly enough, stuff would come to me to say that was often enough true. It amazed them. Hey, who doesn't want to talk to a reasonably attractive woman about themselves?

I can tell if a person is married, attached, or single. I don't know how I know this but I'll bet most other women know how to do this, too. I only was interested in unattached men.

Throughout college, grad school and my early working years I always had plenty of male companionship. Then I met the right person and have been happily attached for over 30 some years.

But wait! It's not over yet! I still hear from former romantic interests wanting to know if I am still with my spouse.

[PurgedVoter]

111. As a male who grew up around other males, "Hello" is a pretty good pickup line for girls to use.

I used to think a smile helped, but I may be old fashioned that way.

[NJCher]

129. Girls just wanna' have fun

I actually had a lot of fun with that and I think they did, too.

As my girlfriends pointed out, I was "vetting" potential suitors. Saved a lot of time. I didn't waste efforts on any guys who weren't going to work out.

[TheBlackAdder]

42. He was a nice guy. Reminds me of this Rodney Dangerfield bit.

.

4:35 mark.

.

[onecaliberal]

5. My son has met a lot of girls in College.

[elias7]

8. So no social gatherings, friend groups, parties?

I agree. I can’t imagine absence of interaction, no one to one conversation without fear of being accused of something untoward. I need more information…

[vlyons]

9. Meet people with similar interests

Meet people with similar hobbies, sports, church. Then there's volunteer time at hospitals, pet shelters, citizen ride with police, coach a little league team. Study groups at college.

[Tetrachloride]

35. Exactly. Join 2-3 groups

[WhiskeyGrinder]

10. This is not what I have heard from college students in my life. And frankly, him pegging it to

#MeToo is...not a red flag, but maybe a yellow one.

[Effete Snob]

12. Sounds like a Hannity guest "story"

For incoming freshmen #MeToo is an obscure historical hashtag. These kids were in Jr. High when that was current.

[Tree-Hugger]

22. Right?

And some of these replies. 🚩

[TheBlackAdder]

45. Gonna say the same thing. Went to Rutgers for continuing ed, and that wasn't what I noticed.

.

You have to be nice, straight up (no BS) and not put out any MRA or stalker vibes.

Kids do background checks on people they meet with, so if he has a posting history. . .


I've got 3 college and graduate students, and one post-grad. You'd be surprised as to the online footprints they leave.


By saying 'Since #MeToo', it sounds like he has pre-#MeToo experience to base it off of, or is he just searching for an excuse? But blaming it on #MeToo kind of points to the issue right there, at least in my mind.

If he's in coed classes, standing in coed lunch lines, sitting in a coed cafeteria, going to the coed Starbucks, and going to coed school events... it's 100% NOT #MeToo.

.

[uponit7771]

52. +1,

[Skittles]

54. beware

it's like guys who say they don't know what to say to female coworkers.....here's a tip, ask advice from the overwhelming majority of men who have zero problem working with women......

[yardwork]

64. I had the same reaction.

We all know that Covid disrupted social interactions, and it's certain that young people were/are greatly affected by that, during key developmental parts of their lives. A sophomore in college now had their junior year of HS abruptly truncated, Senior year of HS was probably fully virtual with few opportunities for social interaction, first year of college may have involved a hybrid of virtual/in-person classes, depending on the school. Add in the fact that this generation spends a huge amount of time online, engaging in social media, and it's obvious where problems might arise. My heart goes out to them.

But blaming it on MeToo seems off.

I wonder if this young man is suffering from depression or social anxiety. I would explore what he's feeling and experiencing, rather than blaming this on vague external factors. Find out what's going on with him.

[ZonkerHarris]

112. Send him out to here to UCSB in Santa Barbara. Kids partying in the street and hook up central

literally
If he can't get laid here he should become a priest

[Effete Snob]

11. Sounds like a right wing grievance propaganda story

From what I have observed from my own recent graduates and the neighbors’ kids in college, there is something unusual going on at this person’s campus.

I also live near a college town and am there frequently. The kids look like they are doing what they normally do, but the standard of living seems to have improved since I was doing those things.

[enough]

13. Sounds implausible.

[spooky3]

14. Universities have lots of clubs, especially in business schools. I don't

Know what he’s majoring in, but I strongly recommend that he find a few clubs that interest him and join them.

[Lemonwurst]

15. Not from my observations

In fact, college for our younger son - now a sophomore at a Northeast state university - has changed him from being the avid gamer recluse he was all during middle and high school, to making many friends and doing all kinds of things he would never do before, like hiking and exploring outdoors.

His college friends are mixed gender and a few of his roommates have girlfriends on campus. He doesn’t, not yet, but he did have a non-serious girlfriend in high school so we suspect he will or at least could at college when the time is right.

It’s unfortunate if some college students have difficulty making friends and meeting potential partners but what you’re describing doesn’t seem like a strong pattern overall. I hope your grandson eventually finds a way to hook up with friends at school in a way that makes meeting girls easier, because being a part of some kind of friend group is almost always how that happens with young adults.

[Jilly_in_VA]

16. Doesn't sound right to me

What does he do besides go to class?

[Effete Snob]

17. You know what?

I’m not going to question that he told you that.

But that’s a problem.

Frankly, I believe your grandson has become indoctrinated into incel grievance culture.

Or he is becoming indoctrinated. And potentially radicalized.

Seriously. Have you explored other things he believes and what sort of information he is consuming? Don’t interrogate him… show some curiosity into where his head is at, and act enthusiastically interested in what he has to say. It might go somewhere dark.

Because, honestly, I know college kids and my own, and this does not correspond to any reality they have described.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

20. Yep. Citing #MeToo is a warning sign IMO.

[Effete Snob]

24. Yep

A hashtag from when they were in ninth grade?

[WhiskeyGrinder]

27. I'm curious why people are reccing this thread.

[spooky3]

36. I get your point, but this term is still used

After all, Harvey Weinstein (a MeToo poster boy) was recently convicted on multiple counts.

[Effete Snob]

38. How big a deal is that to a college sophomore?

Some old Boomer pervert Hollywood has-been raped women years ago.

That doesn’t even get close to “How come college isn’t as shown in Animal House?” or any of dozens of college sexploitation movies.

Anyone equating MeToo with “I can’t get laid” is saying something disturbing about themselves because, demonstrably, a lot of people are managing to get laid without physical or psychologically coercive measures.

[spooky3]

40. I recently retired from a top university and

Business school students were completely familiar with this term. Some students—male and female—unfortunately have already had first hand experience.

You may not know this, but a lot of universities have mandatory sexual harassment and diversity training given to incoming students and new faculty and staff.

[Effete Snob]

41. Yes

They rightly instituted what was then called “date rape” education for undergrads when I was in grad school years ago.

Alcohol too.

These are good things that did not appear to noticeably impact the incidence of sex or lead to the extinction of drinking. Decreased assaults, harassment and alcoholism are good things.

[obamanut2012]

31. 100% agree with both of you

[Mister Ed]

25. This, I think, is the most important reply in the thread. I beg the OP to pay heed to it. n/t

[Effete Snob]

28. If the OP wasn't tavernier...

…I would have thought it was a troll post.

But it took a few brain cycles to think, “an actual college freshman is saying that?”

What has his grandon’s relationship history been like before now?

[mahina]

32. Seconded

Ta vernier, my young friend met his wife in school.


He is very tall, and she sat behind him. Then they sat near each other all semester. Then they started dating and then they started…dancing and viola ( they’re married people.

I have no doubts that that is what he is experiencing, but it may be more complicated or involved, and I’m sure there are ways to break through. The old constants of service, volunteering, doing things in your area of interest, clubs, hiking clubs, chess clubs, sports, maybe? I don’t know there are people there, and just mathematically if you consider opportunities to just bumping into each other is odds are pretty good. I’d work with him on his conversational skills.

[chia]

33. Well said.

[hunter]

48. Strikes me that way too.

I was a really odd kid in college but I still had a rich social life and met all sorts of interesting people.

So did my kids when they went off to college.

I usually met new people when I was stepping outside my comfort zone, which in my case was anywhere outside the library or computer labs.

[treestar]

69. Yes. And he could be introverted

to some extent. It might be reasonable to fear to some extent being accused of harassment, especially if one is socially a bit awkward. But not that much.

[Bobstandard]

18. Does he attend a Christian college?

I live in a college town. They sure are hooking up around here. The coffee shops, restaurants, clubs, soccer pitches, mountain biking spots etc are packed with young people behaving like young college kids always have.

Your grandson’s complaints are what all the incels report. Your grandson may have other problems.

Of course, if he goes to a Christian college, that’s a different thing

[Freethinker65]

19. Perhaps he's smart enough to know when to keep his social life private?

Hope he hasn't fallen in with the incel crowd.

[LakeArenal]

21. I worked with college kids for 25 years.

The ones I know weren’t like that at all.

I thought they too easily trust and give out personal private info that their parents would shudder to think they would do.

[Arazi]

23. Is he a Trumper? Besides grievance incels, they're the only ones that seem to be struggling

[TheFarseer]

26. I could buy this if he lives off campus

If he lives on campus this is hard to believe. I went to college 20 years ago but can't imagine people in the dorms do not interact anymore. He needs to get into more activities. Even if you're not into trivia night, this is a chance to meet people and remember, even if a girl is taken or you're not interested in her, she's got friends and you might want to meet them.

Edited to add the best general advice I can give to get girls interested: Be positive. Let on that everything in your life is good. If you're life sucks, why would a girl want to hang out with you?

[Effete Snob]

29. I commuted and lived on campus

Frankly, I preferred commuting. But that is also because I had an active social life with people both in and out of the academic environment.

But if someone is a commuter and having a difficult time building a social life, then joining a group or activity of interest is a good idea.

On the other hand, if it comes down to “I’m having a hard time finding hookups” then, well geez, I dunno. It’s not like kids aren’t finding whatever they call that sort of friend now. I think booty call is the least offensive term I’ve heard. I’m shocked there are not college-specific apps like Tinder.

[obamanut2012]

30. No, this isn't true at all

And, I am around them every day, quite closely.

[JI7]

34. Not true at all. Go to any college town and you can easily

see this is not true.

But maybe people are more considerate and really think about whether there is consent and in that csse that would be a good thing.

[JHB]

37. The "blame feminists" (MeToo) for the "lack of hooking-up" framing just signals something for me

[Luciferous]

39. Nope, I have a kid in college and she's met

plenty of people. Most of her friends live in her dorm and she met them going to planned social events in the building. She's also dating a nice guy who lives in the same dorm. It sounds like he either goes to a school full of introverts or needs to put himself out there more, maybe join some clubs.

[Lithos]

44. A few random thoughts

Not true.

I had the same complaint in college (early to mid-1980s). Frankly, the problem lay with me. Took me years to understand relationships happen and are not something you can demand or force. It's a case of being open and available to what happens.

What does scare me is he is starting to blame others (the "me too" movement) for his inability to demand/create a relationship on demand.

[pnwmom]

47. Men with his attitude toward the Me, too movement may turn off

the smart, pretty, otherwise friendly girls they happen to meet.

[Coventina]

51. As a college professor, I can say that I see no lessening of social interactions.

If anything, I've seen an uptick since being back on campus post-COVID.

[róisín_dubh]

115. Same, at both a university here in the US and one in England.

Students are socialising everywhere.

[GoodRaisin]

53. Sounds like he's in the wrong place.

No, he’s definitely in the wrong place if he can’t meet girls in a university setting.

[pnwmom]

55. What is his living situation? If he's living in a fraternity

or another all male situation, it might make it harder to meet girls.

[DFW]

56. I wish I could help, but I'm just too far removed by now

I was class of 1974, and it was just a different world back then. Besides, I was an ordinary-looking (at best! LOL) white southerner at a northern school, rooming with two black friends from high school, and whose main non-academic interest was the balalaika orchestra. In other words, six kinds of weird. And even I managed to meet women. If I could, hell, I figured any straight guy could. The gay scene was already pretty active already there, too (this was Philadelphia), so no one who wanted to come out was given a hard time about it.

My daughters both went to college in the USA, but their graduations are now also 10-15 years in the past. At the time, they never mentioned any such issues, although I can’t imagine that even today a halfway attractive, straight female student would have trouble meeting guys if she wanted to.

I didn’t meet my permanent partner at college, but I did meet her about two months after graduation, albeit 4500 miles away, and speaking a language I had only started learning while in college. See? A college education is good for something after all!

Even after all that, I have no idea where your grandson goes to college, or what kind of people are there, and times are not what they were, either. I can only hope for him that his luck improves. That, in my experience, anyway, always happened when I was trying least, if that means anything.

[bdjhawk]

57. If he blames MeToo as the reason for not meeting girls,

I’d say there are definite incel tendencies. They “blame the dames” for every one of their problems when most due to their own shortcomings. If he is shy or not comfortable putting himself out there, I could see blaming COVID with the starting and stopping of classes on many campuses. But to look at his lack of social life and conclude the problem is women standing up for their own safety and respect is cause for concern.

[Hortensis]

75. Too harsh and not nearly enough info to ascribe such a nasty pejorative?

He's a kid and that can just be how others are "dating" a significant shift in social interactions. Before and after #metoo is not a strange way for young people to think of it, though other factors are also involved. It caused major social changes in itself.

[Solly Mack]

58. The movement against rape culture/sexual abuse/harassment is preventing your grandson from meeting

girls?

How is a movement that empowers women to tell their stories preventing your grandson from meeting girls?

Because, honestly, it sounds like women are being blamed for taking a stand against rape culture and that, somehow, by doing so, they are ruining - what exactly?

Awareness is not hostile. Demanding better behavior is not hostile. Neither prevent social interaction but they do both mean the usual bullshit won't be tolerated. That's a good thing.

A woman finding her voice does not silence a man. Nor does it threaten a man - but if it does, the problem is with the man and not the woman.

[Dorian Gray]

59. I think

his experience is probably based on a number of factors. 1) his own personality. 2) the school he's at. 3) where he chooses to live (on or off campus). 4) the friends he surrounds himself with. 5) What kind of student he is.

Commuter schools have a different vibe than on campus schools.

I also think that blaming "me too" is not quite right, and that feels more grievance/blaming females than looking into social behaviors of your student.

I do think timing post pandemic and whichever school he's decided to attend can make a huge difference in social circumstances.

[tavernier]

60. Thank you for all the responses. Very Helpful.

He is neither a trumper or an incel. He does lack confidence coming from the days in grade school when he had a stutter. He had a good speech therapist for a year and he no longer stutters but i know he fears it will return in stressful situations and that makes him socially shy, but not a debilitating shyness; he's comfortable with public speaking when necessary in front of classes for oral assignments.
i don't worry because he has many good high school friends, both male and female. i was just surprised to hear him (and his friend who attends the same Uni) talking about the difficulty of making friendships.

i guess i would advise him to join more activities, although other than sports, he was never much of a joiner.

thanx guys!

[WhiskeyGrinder]

66. A person doesn't have to be "a Trumper" or "an incel" to adopt cultural cues that are rooted in

misogyny or other oppressions. We all have to work against the wider culture every day. But young women ensuring their safety is not "#MeToo" -- it's self-preservation. If he's at a large university, I can see where an invitation for a one-on-one date -- even getting coffee -- from a guy you've never talked to might seem forward and a little odd. But activities in groups makes everyone feel more comfortable; grabbing his friend and attending sporting or cultural events on or off campus, joining up with intramurals, or even dropping in on the party down the hall if it has an open-door policy might help them get where they want to go.

I didn't want this to turn into a "meet chicks" advice posts, but it did, so I'm going to come back to my original point: Not being able to make a connection with young women is not because of #MeToo. It's because he hasn't found someone who wants to make a connection with him yet. That's hard, and it happens to a lot of people at some time or another.

[shrike3]

76. Your grandson's a late bloomer?

That can happen. There were a few like that when I was in school.

My step-nephew said his son and his son's friends had poorly developed social skills (while in high school). He blamed it on them spending so much time online. Maybe certain people are developing such skills more slowly because of social media?

My step-grandson has had little to no luck in developing relationships, and he is a techy type, an engineer, online a lot. However, now that he is out in the world, dealing with people, he seems to be getting better at it. Maybe your grandson just needs time.

FWIW, when I was in school, and the Internet didn't exist, long before Me Too, I knew some collegians who had good high school friends, but had a very hard time making college friends. Maybe some people just have a hard time with the transition? A few of them kept spending weekends at home, back in their comfort zone, and ended up dropping out.

[hunter]

93. I was an engineering major my first two years in college.

That was back in the dark ages when engineering classes were mostly men.

I've been online since the late 'seventies.

I had zero "social skills" then, same as most of my classmates.

I didn't like most of my engineering classmates. I probably didn't like myself all that much either.

Family expectations were that I'd be an engineer like my grandfather who'd become some kind of wizard of exotic metals during World War II and the Cold War, and later created bits of metal for the Apollo Project.

I rebelled against that and changed my major to Biology. That made all the difference.

We live in a better world now where women are not that uncommon in engineering classes.

[Mr. Ected]

63. It's not Me Too

It's a generation of kids communicating via electronic devices, uncertain and inexperienced in real human interaction. My sons are having the same problem. They are respectful and genuine, though, so I've assured them to continue to be themselves, not to lose hope, to be patient and their soul mate is looking for them too.

[tavernier]

68. Thanks.

Your post comes the closest in describing what I’m seeing. You just stated it more clearly.

[shrike3]

77. My step-nephew said something similar about his son and his son's friends.

Nice kids who grew up on line, basically. They lacked the social skills he remembered having at that age. However, like your sons, his is a very nice kid, and just might need more time. My step-grandson was one of those with very poor social skills. But now that he is working -- and succeeding very well at -- his career, I've noticed his confidence is growing. Maybe this is just a generation of late bloomers?

[hunter]

92. Egads! If you ever encounter some stranger who is "looking for a soulmate," RUN AWAY!!!

That would be my advice to all college students.

Or anyone, actually.

Serendipity plays a huge roll in the formation of every human relationship.

I think people isolate themselves because they fear looking awkward, foolish, or silly. They may also fear for their own physical safety. That pretty much describes my first year in college.

Once I started stepping out beyond my "comfort zone," sometimes in ways that can only be described as crazy, more often just by being silly, I started to meet all sorts of interesting people, for better and for worse. Overall, the "better" outweighed the "worse."

Whatever scars I carry of the worst are an important part of the person I am today.

I met my wife working, after I'd graduated from college.

[FakeNoose]

65. Is it possible that maybe your grandson isn't interested in meeting girls

... and maybe he doesn't know how to tell you that?

[tavernier]

67. No, he's not gay. Wouldn't matter to entire family

if that was the case because we are very pro human rights and he was brought up that way. And he’s always obviously preferred girls in that way since he was little.

[Calculating]

70. The incel movement is a symptom of something wrong in our society

Young men are having trouble finding a female partner in unprecedented amounts. I've heard that something like 30% of them are struggling to get into a relationship. Not saying it's women's fault, but something isn't right. It's like electronic communication and social media has destroyed the way men and women would traditionally meet and form relationships.

What op describes is very similar to what I dealt with in community college. Seemed like everyone was just down to businesses in the classes and nobody wanted to socialize much. I ended up not meeting anyone in 2 years there. I guess I was supposed to join clubs or something if I wanted to maybe meet a girl? Maybe I'm just ugly or something lol.

[leftstreet]

71. "Not saying it's women's fault, but.." LOL n/t

[Calculating]

73. Did you even read the message

Or just jump straight to attack mode because I suggested that something is indeed wrong with gender relations recently in our society? There's something wrong when 30% of guys can't seem to find a mate.

[Hortensis]

85. Amen to that last. It's real, it's tragic, and it's destabilizing society.

[leftstreet]

94. So before MeToo, men had no problems getting dates?

You started with a false premise, that incels were a *symptom* of a problem someone else (hmm, women?) created. Conflating MeToo with the genuine issue of difficult gender relations in a modern world of social media and few traditional venues for meeting, is weird

[Demsrule86]

116. Possible it could be because they suck. And the me to thing is a re d flag.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

78. There's not something wrong. Women's rights have evolved such that they don't need to rely on men

the way their mothers and grandmothers did. The game has changed.

[Calculating]

86. You must realize the implications of that though

Because women don't need a man anymore they can be way more selective. As a result the bottom 20-30% of men are struggling greatly to find women, and feel they have no purpose or stake in society with no marriage or family prospects. We're heading to a society like Japan with falling birth rates and a large number of guys who just play video games and watch anime. Idk if that's necessarily a good thing.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

91. It's definitely an issue, and our culture reinforces the idea that there's someone for everyone,

that your soulmate is out there, that everyone deserves a partner. You see a lot of it right here in this thread. A better idea would be to talk about different ideas of community, what life looks like no matter what path you take, how to build purpose, and so on. Part of toxic masculinity is decrying those conversations as "soft." It's something to fight against.

[lindysalsagal]

72. Some freshmen have a rough adjustment period. Mine did. And now she's making friends everywhere she

goes. Had tons of friends. Give it time.

[MissMillie]

74. His best bet is probably to make friends w/ some of the local male students

He can enjoy common interests with the guys he meets then see if he can get an introduction to their single female friends, or see if any of them have sisters.

And if he still doesn't meet the young ladies, at least he's doing fun things with people he likes being around.

[Yavin4]

79. As a culture, we're losing our ability to socialize

We use to have institutions like the church, lodges, bowling alleys, etc. where people would meet one another and form social interactions. From these interactions, people would meet their future spouses. College was once such a place, but because we have put such a focus on competitive academics and have stigmatized social gatherings, socializing at college has become almost taboo.

We need to have more social gatherings where the emphasis should be on people just getting to know one another. They can be non-alcoholic as well. Not meeting each other for the purposes of having sex, but just meet each other and get to know one another as people.

We just need to socialize more.

[Hortensis]

80. "MOST daters say their dating lives aren't going well and it's difficult to find

people to date."

Your grandson's not alone.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/nearly-half-of-u-s-adults-say-dating-has-gotten-harder-for-most-people-in-the-last-10-years/

And, from April 2022: Most Americans who are ‘single and looking’ say dating has been harder during the pandemic

"Daters younger than 30 are much more likely than those ages 30 and older to say dating is harder now (71% vs. 58%)."

https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2022/04/06/most-americans-who-are-single-and-looking-say-dating-has-been-harder-during-the-pandemic/

On the plus side, I read elsewhere that "millennials," just a tad older, are taking things slower, what an observer refers to a "slow wave" for that cohort. They're not just waiting to look for serious relationships later, in their mature years, but are tending to form better ones with better success. It's likely college girls are affected by the same factors that form millennial behavior and forming into couplets later in life.

[tavernier]

83. Yes, and I think I'm also viewing it from the lens of

my college days. Socializing and partying were probably a little bit too much the priority in those days. Perhaps this isn’t so awful and I’m sure he will catch up as time goes by. I was just curious about the opinions of my friends here at DU, and I am finding them quite varied.

[Hortensis]

87. Lol, QUITE varied. Including the impressions given

by seeing those young people who are happily paired up and out and about on campus versus what students in general are reporting. A quarter to a third say they're finding dating satisfying and easy, just far from a majority.

[Prairie_Seagull]

81. It's a (not so "Brave) new World" nt

[Wingus Dingus]

82. It's all dating apps now. Nobody under 30 seems to just meet each other and ask

each other out anymore, at work or school, the way we Gen Xers and older have done. They all pre-screen. My adult sons have run into this--both have met their wife and girlfriend online. College years were a bust for dating, for both of them.

[shrike3]

120. What I've heard from younger people as well.

Been with my husband for 27 years, so glad I'm not "out there."

A friend of mine tried online dating and threw in the towel after two disastrous meet-ups. I told her it's just like when we were young and went to bars and such, you have to sift through, and kiss a few frogs. She still gave up.

[helpisontheway]

84. My son attended community college first. When he transferred to a large university

it was difficult to meet people at first. He was a bit of a loner his entire junior year. My husband was concerned. He said it was not healthy for him to always be alone. Senior year he joined a few clubs and now his social calendar is FULL. He also met people by working a few hours a week in the dining hall. Now he has friends in his clubs,from work and from classes pertaining to his major. Now my husband says he needs to cut back on all of the parties and activities. 😂 He ended up with all A’s and one C so obviously he is still doing his work. lol Anyway, your grandson should join some clubs to meet new people. My middle son did not start dating until the last six months of his senior year. He was a student athlete so he was very busy juggling that plus school. He ended up dating a nice young lady and they are still dating two years after graduation.

[Bettie]

89. My oldest started college before the pandemic

he says the social scene has changed significantly in that people stick more to small friend groups.

He has a few friends, but no time for anything more, between marching band, jazz band, and classes.

[beaglelover]

90. I would HATE to go to college in the current times. Sounds like a truly aweful place to be.

College is a time for self exploration and maturing, and learning to live with other people. As well as studying your academics.

When I look back, college was a very enjoyable part of my life experience.

[RobinA]

95. Does Anyone Read This

and wonder how the current generation of young men internalize the near universal approval given to male bashing these days? I do. And I'm a Boomer chick.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

98. lol what

[hunter]

100. I frequently bash white males and I am one.

My own personal stupidity and ignorance has floundered in those endless depths...

[MineralMan]

97. Not an uncommon way to feel for many young guys.

I went through a period like that during my Freshman year at college. Very frustrating. What worked for me, way back in the 1960s, was to take whatever books I needed to study over to one of the women's dorms near my dorm. I'd find a comfy sofa in the common area lounge and study. It was quieter than the men's dorms, anyhow. I didn't stare at anyone or really talk to anyone. I just did my reading there.

Well, after about a week of that, young women living in that dorm started coming over and starting conversations with me. Aha! I had discovered something. Their curiosity led to my meeting quite a few residents in that dorm, and dating a few of them. Worked a treat.

Being sort of shy can feel like a real problem. The answer is to be somewhere and wait until someone breaks the ice. From there, you have a beginning.

[tavernier]

104. Diabolical, dear MM.

I’ll pass on the suggestion, but I think all of their dorms are coed.

[MineralMan]

113. I suppose so, but the principle is still the same.

Be somewhere, doing something to occupy your time. Wait. It works. It even extends to things like parties. Sit over there with a smile on your face and watch the party. Pretty soon, someone will come over to see why you're sitting over there all by yourself. Works every time.

Diabolical? It's the devil in me, I guess.

[hunter]

108. My second serious girlfriend was my study partner.

Population Biology and Genetics.

Total cute meet, me outside my usual haunts of the

I was the intuitive potential scientist and she was good at the math.

We used to play footsies under the table, eat lunch together, and even saw one another naked a few times, me narrowly escaping with my virginity intact.

She'd told me she was separated from her husband and getting a divorce.

Then she decided to quit school and go back to him. I was devastated.

[MineralMan]

114. Yup. Opportunities come to those who are patient.

Still, a bit of a sad story...

[shrike3]

118. My husband said reading a book was the best way to meet women ever.

When he was single, he would haul his laundry to the laundromat and bring a book along to read while he was waiting. Women would not let him alone. Thing was, the books weren't ploys; he really did want to read them. It got to be annoying after a while. He'd just get settled in, and then someone waiting for her laundry would start talking to him.

No, we did not meet in a laundromat.

[MineralMan]

119. He was right, I think.

I'm not sure why that is, really, but it seems to be true. It happens on planes, too. It's tough to read a book on a plane without the person next to you starting a conversation.

[shrike3]

121. As a female, I've had the same experience.

For some reason, people think it's their duty to interrupt you.

We've been married a long time. He's urged a good number of single men to take up reading. No one that we know of has followed his advice.

[MineralMan]

122. LOL! There's that, too, I suppose.

Many young men have the mistaken belief that their job is to pursue women. It's far more effective to let women approach you, instead, I think.

The reading thing is just giving people an opening to initiate a conversation. The problem with pursuing people is that those being pursued think you're a predator, and should be avoided. That's imbedded deep in our brains, actually. So, the trick is to be more passive and avoid appearing like you're pursuing. Or so I believe.

One of the funniest things that has ever happened to me was the time a young woman I was interested in said, "So, are you ever going to kiss me?" Oops. Of course, I did, immediately. We got married about six months later.

[shrike3]

123. Delightful. My husband needed similar encouragement.

I once asked him why he was so shy with me. He said, "I really liked you, and I didn't want to mess things up."

Culture plays a big part in pursuit. Think of all the movies where the hero just won't take no for an answer.

I was very shy when I was young, and so men always had to approach me. My stepson was astonished to learn that I never approached men. In his experience it was just the opposite: women approached him.

[MineralMan]

124. When shy people meet...

It can take some time, it seems. On the other hand, it often turns out well, as it has in my life.

[SYFROYH]

99. If he is athletic, suggest joining the cheer squad.

But really, any extramural or cocurricular group will do.

Every major has a club.

Intramural sports like volleyball and disc golf are great opportunities.

It sounds like he needs to build up some confidence and/or not be so picky about dating.

To be honest, both men and women in college are as liberated as ever with their romantic relationships. Once he crosses the rubicon, he'll be OK.

And suggest online dating. A lot of it is hook ups, but suggest having safe fun and sometimes a hook up leads to a second and third, and then they learn each other's names.

[hunter]

102. Recreational Coed Softball.

I had absolutely no idea what sports was about until I signed up for that.

[SYFROYH]

103. That's a good choice, too!

[pfitz59]

101. Your grandson is buying into a lie

Tell him to take a 1-unit folk dance class. Or a "The Psychology of Women" course. He will meet many women. They'll likely not be the media derived image of a woman enamored of his manliness but given enough interactions he'd probably find one willing to chance his ego. I also joined several clubs, especially the ski club. Nothing beats a week of forced closeness on a holiday ski trip.

[BradAllison]

105. Well, now you've done it.

DU doesn't like your grandson.

[tavernier]

106. Impossible.

He’s adorable. In his own psycho-stalker- misogynistic -serial killer way. (Yeah, a few of them were sort of implying that). He’s much more Ron Weasley than Draco Malfoy.

[hunter]

109. I think most of us were nice enough saying it's NOT "Me too" or "Social Media."

Some of us are a wee bit sensitive to those right-wing talking points.

It was that and the "Kids these days!" vibe that got all these responses.

All in all, I think the kids are okay. Most of them will figure stuff out just like we did.

[GusBob]

107. Poor kid

The thought and language police are up his and his grandparent’s ass

Ironically proving the OP’s point

Love the insinuation that tavenier is a troll

That made me laugh

[tavernier]

110. You've obviously never seen me first thing in the morning

when all my hair sticks straight up. Classic troll do.

[W_HAMILTON]

117. It's not. It's really not.

There are probably more ways to meet people now than every before.

The fact that he thinks it's "impossible" probably says more about him than anything else. It could be something innocuous, meaning maybe he is just socially awkward around girls or shy or something along those lines, to something not as innocuous, such as being a complete dick and thinking he is entitled to companionship from girls (sort of the incel culture that I'm sure some have already mentioned).

I don't know which category your grandson falls into, but rest assured, it is not impossible to meet women -- ESPECIALLY in college. There are plenty of college men and women out there, entering into relationships, hooking up, etc. If your grandson is not one of them, odds are the problem lies with him and not women or -- -- the MeToo Movement.

[Buckeyeblue]

125. Sounds like he has been watching too much Fox News

[tavernier]

128. He would rather have a root canal.

He is a history major and happily identifies all the Republican losers going decades back.

[Happy Hoosier]

126. Huh... My daughter hasn't had trouble meeting guys...

or girls, for that matter.

If anything, she tells me that lots of guys are pretty forward.

Who knows... might be the culture of a particular campus.

[tavernier]

127. My granddaughter went to Uni in Cinci

And she said the same thing. Of course she was captain of the bb team and homecoming Queen in high school and has never met a stranger in her life, so their personalities are quite different.

[NNadir]

130. My son started graduate school at a new university.

He met lots of women and made friends with a bunch of them in his program.

He ended up in a relationship with one of his female colleague's roommate, a Ph.D. student in history. It didn't take long. (He and his girlfriend's roomate are in the nuclear engineering program.)

My son had a girlfriend as an undergraduate as well. It didn't work out, but they dated for about two years.

It sounds like your grandson may be the wrong institution. I don't know what it is, but your grandson's situation certainly didn't apply to my son's.

[Rizen]

131. I've found it's very hard to meet women outside of dating sites.

I don't go to bars because I don't drink but at meetups and such there are usually few women and they aren't there to find dates.

[tavernier]

132. That's basically what my gs says.

He is a bit of a nerd so that is probably also deterring his dating life, but I’m not complaining. He does have friends and he’s not despondent over not being the life of the campus parties.